…. what IS a cupboard?

There are many ways to answer this question. You may wish to dissect the word in which case you may come to the conclusion that it is a board for your cup, or even a cup for your board. You could create an image in your mind of what it might be and decide that that is in fact what it is. You could even speak to someone of Great Knowledge who may show you a cupboard thus creating the opportunity for you to investigate what it is for. Alternatively you could look it up on Wikipedia….

A cupboard is a type of storage cabinet, often made of wood, used indoors to store household objects such as food, crockery, textiles and liquor, and protect them from dust and dirt.^[1]

The term cupboard was originally used to describe an open-shelved side table for displaying plates, cups and saucers.  The word cupboard gradually came to mean a closed piece of furniture.^[3]

It is essentially a place in which one can keep things.

You may prefer to be traditional and keep a cup in your cupboard. One such as this may be nice…

…which gives you the air of being an Effortlessly Stylish Sort of Person

Incidentally this is the ‘Polka Dot Espresso Cup’ by Emma Bridgewater.

Or you may prefer to store cups such as these….

…. which give you the impression of being a Very Well To Do Sort of Person with A Lot of Money.

Alternatively a cup such as this…..

…sends the very clear message that you are in fact a Working Man or Woman with Very Important Work Things To Do and Thus No Time for Style.

The type of cup that you choose should represent not only your personality but also your SOUL. You must dig deep to gain a true understanding of who you really are and choose a cup that truly expresses this. One way that you can do this is to decide on a brief description of Who You Really Are and then search  Google Images for that with cup on the end. For example if you suspect that you are a whimsical, pretty sort of person you may search for ‘whimsical pretty cup’ which gives you this….

… as whimsical pretty people are the sort of people that are best represented by floral bicycles.

I challenge you all, find your Cup Soul. Then find a Cupboard to store it in.

What is the Cup that represents YOU?

Disclaimer: If you were expecting more about types of cupboards from this post then I apologise most deeply, I’m afraid the Cups overtook me. They felt more in need.

Disclaimer 2: In my search for different types of cups I found that there is some danger of having pictures of ladies lingerie appear in the selection of images. This is not my fault and I accept no responsibility if you find yourself looking at a bra of some kind.

Despite the fact that I have always believed that one should always be oneself, I have very recently realised that I should be myself. There are obviously elements of my personality that could stand to be improved, most of which I am aware of and will probably be forever working on. But I have actually realised that I like the majority of what makes me me.

I know that I have a fantastic sense of humour, largely because I make myself laugh.

I know that I am mildly insane – I have conversations with myself out loud, I sing songs about what I am doing while I do it (recently I have progressed into rapping what I am doing and I feel that I may be an undiscovered talent) and I get far too much pleasure out of very simple things such as shaking my head to make the bobble on my woolen hat wobble.

I know that I do not contribute well to discussions whilst they are happening, but this is OK because I also know that if the discussions were repeated a day or two later (which they never are) my contributions would be of incredible value.

I know that I am not a good manager (despite the fact that I have been a deputy manager for about 6 years) but this is OK because I don’t want to be a good manager because that would make me a different person. I would much rather be a bad manager who manages to give the illusion of being a good manager for a year or two more till I can leave and do something far better with my time.

I know that I buy more clothes than a person really requires, but this is OK because I don’t buy lots of shoes, I don’t gamble and I never get outrageously drunk (yes that IS a justification for all my clothes.)

I know that I will never be the kind of ‘fun’ young adult who gets enjoyment out of drinking more alcohol than is healthy, staying out (or even staying up) past midnight and engaging in drunken antics. But this is also OK because despite the fact that I like to go to bed by 10 pm I am seriously capable of some serious fun without even a glimpse of alcohol. Seriously.

In short, I am who I am and I am glad that who I am is who I am because that is who I am and also who I want to be.

Who are you?

Disclaimer: In stating that I think that I am pretty awesome I am in no way suggesting that you are NOT awesome, even if you are the opposite to me. I am sure that you are still pretty alright.

On the 5th of November every year we come together as a nation to celebrate the fact that on the 5th of November 1605 a man called Guy Fawkes and other members of the ‘Gunpowder Plot‘ did NOT blow up parliament. This is a relief to all of us as without parliament (and also the King/Queen) there would be no government and thus there would be anarchy. And no one loves anarchists. Therefore we feel compelled to express this relief every year on this day (or within a week either side of this day… people are gradually becoming more and more flexible, sometimes you even hear fireworks in OCTOBER now. I know, disgusting, isn’t it.)You may also find this day being referred to as ‘Fireworks Night’ or ‘Bonfire Night’. The reasons for these names will become clear, but if you are feeling impatient I will give you one hint: The Answer is in the Name.

I will now outline the steps that must be undertaken if you wish to attend such an event.

Step One: Choose between a Free Event or a Non Free Event.

A Free Event is one which you do not have to pay to enter, though you may wish to give a donation (though as it is free, any amount will be gratefully accepted). This leaves you with more money available to spend at the stalls that usually accompany such events. For example, you may wish to purchase a toffee apple (these are apples covered in toffee, if you were wondering). However, due to lack of funding, you may find the display less spectacular.

A Non Free Event is one where you do have to pay to enter, I believe it may be something such as three pounds (though I am just making that up, it could really be any amount). This may mean that the display is of better quality than a Free Event, however, this is not guaranteed and you may find that it is no better at all – this is a disappointment. You will also have less money available to spend at the stalls and rides, for example you may find that you must spend a further pound on a toffee apple, having already spent three on getting in to the event. This is annoying.

Note: You will usually find these events are organised by groups of people in your city/town/village and will take place somewhere with a field. Unless you are one of the organisers you will not usually need to provide anything other than yourself. However if you wish you can purchase fireworks from a local shop and if you can find a safe space you are free to create your own celebration.

Step Two: Find such an event near you (you can find one that is not near to you, but be warned: this will involve more traveling). Searching on Google may help you to find these (you may wish to search ‘Fireworks events near __(insert chosen place name here)___). You will often see boards alongside many local roads displaying information on these events and you may also wish to speak to people that you know as they may know of events that you did not.

Step Three: Decide who is going with you, how you will get there, and if you are driving where you will park. As a person who does not possess the skill of driving, I do not personally have to worry about this, but I believe it is a definite concern for those who do drive.

Step Four: Plan your outfit. I recommend one that gives the appearance of warmness and if possible actually creates warmness. This is because it is quite often cold, and if it is not, it is a good idea to pretend that it is as it contributes to the enjoyment of the event.
I suggest one such as this (you do not have to use your hands to create a boxlike formation around your face, though it it does make you look cooler)…

Step Five: Go to the event using your preplanned method of traveling. Do so on the date of the event and around the time it is due to commence.

Step Six: Find yourself a space where you can see both the bonfire and the fireworks clearly but without having to stand too close to strangers.

Step Seven: Enjoy! Feel free to wander around before or after the fireworks display. You may wish to purchase a Toffee Apple.

Bonfire: You will usually find that there is a bonfire in the field/area that the event is taking place. You can create a bonfire by collecting burnable items such as pieces of tree or unwanted furniture. This is then piled up neatly and set fire to. (Note: you must be a very careful sort of person if you are to be the Lighter of the Fire. Fire can be dangerous.)

You may also notice something such as this burning on the fire….

Do not be alarmed, this is not a real person. We like to burn an effigy of Guy Fawkes on the bonfire. It makes us feel good.

The primary aspect of the event is the Fireworks. These will be placed securely on the field at a safe distance from the observers. They will then be lit by a a highly trained man. You will notice that they zoom up into the air where they usually make a BANG sort of noise, though occasionally it will be more like a WHEEEEE. Once in the sky they will create colourful patterns. On seeing these it is acceptable to make noises such as ‘oooooo, aaahhhh’ to express your delight. Using the modern technology of today you may wish to take photographs with your camera or mobile telephone to remember the colourful patterns.

You may also wish to attempt to take a photo of yourself with the person/people that you are with. This can be difficult as it is dark and it involves stretching your arm in such a way that you and the person/people you are with are in the shot. If you achieve it it may look something like this (though hopefully with your faces rather than mine and my Husband’s)

Now that you have a full understanding the joy that is Guy Fawkes Night, you may wish to come to England and find such an event. I assure you it will be worth your while. If only for the toffee apples.

Disclaimer: If at any point you felt patronised by my tone of writing, I assure you, this was not my intention. It is meant to amuse rather than patronise. If you do not feel at all amused I suggest you find a humorous video on YouTube to aid with this (I am told there are many. For example you may wish to watch a video of a kitten doing humorous tricks)

I have not posted for approximately, almost exactly, three years. I feel as though I am standing on the edge of a circle that I want to be in but I can’t quite get through the doors (yes, this circle has doors).

It was a very busy three years, during which (you may have gathered from my profile picture), I married my man. But now I feel able and in a place to begin writing on here again but it is hard to know where to start. (plus there is a small part of me that would like to just jump back into being uber popular like I totally was).

Therefore, if you are reading this, I have approximately two questions for you (it is actually three)….

1) How are you? What have you been doing for the last three years?

2) What should I write about?

It will be lovely to hear from anyone who wishes to make a comment, and if you don’t then I hope you are well and everything is good.

Love from

Claire

… so since today is Tuesday (Disclaimer: it was when I originally posted it), I thought I would do a survey!

1. If you were able to time travel, where would you be at this moment?

I would probably go about 2 years into the future where I would hopefully find that I was a fully qualified Play Therapist, with a well paid Play Therapy job and thinking about having me some babies.

2. If you could choose your own name, what would it be?

Lady Esmeralda, Duchess of Ergemont.

3. The first thing I’d buy if I won a $100 million dollar lottery is…
an awesomely awesome house with my husband and also a boat.

4. Which is worst, losing which sense: sight or sound?

sight

5. If you could bring one person from history to our time, who would it be?

Lady Jane Grey. Then she can come and live with me and not be forced into being a queen and then killed for it

6. Farthest distance you’ve gone from home.

I go to the moon quite regularly.

7. If you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be?

Lady Jane Grey, on her 8th day as queen, so that I can tell everyone what I think of them quickly before I stop being Lady Jane Grey and get executed.

8. Best memory of a kiss.

When I married my husband and also our first kiss EVER.

9. Worst trend of all time.

trouser skirts. They are trousers, with a skirt attached to the top.

10. Person (real, fictitious, dead, or alive) that you would love to meet.

Lady Jane Grey and also Jane Austen

11. Favorite love song.

Songbird by Fleetwood Mac.

12. Craziest spur-of-the-moment thing you did. (Or would want to do.)

I once, just decided, out of the blue, with NO warning, that I was going to go SHOPPING. So I just put on my shoes and coat, and you know what? I went shopping. Just like that.

13. What’s number one on your bucket list?

I really really really really want to…. see a professional production of The Sound of Music. I am just that wild.

14. I feel sexiest when I’m wearing…

scuba diving gear

Many anti-twilighters like to say ‘Oh eM Gee! Edward looks like so totally dirty and ugly and anyway like Anne Rice like totally said like once that vampires don’t do stuff that Stephanie Meyer says they do. And she like totally invented vampires!’. This is of course a very valid point despite their lack of attractive English. Nevertheless many people find him swoon-making-ly gorgeous and some like to pretend that one day an equally obsessive and odd man will fall in love with them.

Jacob is Bella’s other potential lover. The moment in which he removed his shirt for the first time in New Moon provoked many sighs and cheers from at least half the audience. It went something like this….

Jacob – ‘Oh Bella, you have a bit of blood on your head, I will just remove my shirt now, that will fix it’
Audience – ‘YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!’

I, on the other hand, have refrained from affiliating myself with either Team Jacob or Team Edward on the grounds that I don’t find either of them to be particularly good looking. And also because I am just not that obsessed. However I have decided it is time to reveal my true Team. Bella’s dad – Charlie.

I am sorry but he…….

…..is way more attractive than either of these….

Go Team Charlie!

Disclaimer: I really really am not a screaming teenager, I swear.

Most people have heard of bulimia, but not that many have much understanding of it. It is known as the ‘eating disorder in which people eat loads then throw it up’. It is not nearly as recognised as anorexia. You can see that someone is probably anorexic without having to ask many questions. Bulimia is much harder to spot. And even when it is known about it is not often afforded the same amount of understanding or support that anorexia receives. No wonder that my bulimic friend wishes that she were anorexic.

I have been living with a bulimic for 3 months now. I am finding it incredibly stressful, so I can only imagine how she feels after 10 years of it. Think about all the things you do in a day, think of all the emotions you experience from those. Now replace those emotions almost entirely with food. That is what it is like to be in my friends head.

For her a day goes something like this:

Wake up, get washed, dressed etc.
I’m hungry, I want to eat, but if I eat I will get fat. I will go on facebook for a bit to distract myself.
Ok, I will just go and eat one bowl of breakfast.
Some days this is successful and then I will feel good for a bit that I didn’t eat much. If I manage to eat nothing I will feel even better about myself. Sometimes I eat several bowls and maybe something else too. Then I throw it up.
Go to work. This is good, I enjoy my job a lot. And it distracts me from thinking about eating.
Come home. I am really hungry. I will go for a walk or go to the gym to distract myself.
Come home. I am still really hungry. I will just have one apple or a yogurt. I am still hungry. I will just have some salad and bread. I have eaten quite a bit now, I may as well eat some more. Then it won’t be in the house anymore and I can get rid of it afterwards by throwing up. I then go to bed feeling bad that I ate so much and that I am going to get fat. But tommorow I will not eat anything and I will go to the gym for 5 hours and that will make up for it. If I can just lose a bit of weight I will feel more confident. I just need to be able to see more bones, then I will feel more confident.

And that is not just my imagination of what she is thinking. Most of that is direct quotes of what she has said. She does enjoy a lot of what she does, but regardless of that a big part of the reason that she does most of it is to distract herself from eating.

She is so incredibly damaged that it is heartbreaking. She has no monstrous secret in her past beyond her parent’s divorce when she was 12 and a mother that constantly criticizes her. Many people have those and cope with it, her two siblings for example. But her self esteem is so cripplingly low that she turned to food, partly as a way to draw attention to herself due to feeling shadowed by two supposedly more intelligent, more popular siblings. It was also partly to punish herself for not being good enough to keep her parent’s happy and together. Partly as a way of controlling something since she has no control when it comes to her mother. She is angry at her mum for constantly picking at everything that she does, but she also feels as though she deserves it, she feels as though her mum is right for doing it.

Bulimia is not very well understood. Everyone knows anorexia is life-threatening, but bulimia is too. Bulimics are more at risk for heart attacks then anorexics. Bulimics do not generally lose weight in the way that anorexics do because despite throwing up, their stomach still retains some of the food. For this reason you can be friends with a bulimic for years, even have one in your family and never know it. Don’t think that just because you have been out for a meal with someone and they didn’t throw it up that they couldn’t possibly be suffering from bulimia. Most bulimics love food, they love eating it, they aren’t going to refuse it. But neither are they likely to throw it up in a public bathroom. That will be for later, when they get home. And if they are past the point when they are able to throw it up, they will punish themselves for days after, usually through excessive exercise or dieting.

I hope that I have given people a different way of thinking about those around them with eating disorders. I know that being on such close quarters with this friend of mine has certainly opened my mind.

Trains are a major part of the English lifestyle. Every major city has many train stations, every town has at least one and many small and possibly insignificant places have one. Trains run at regular intervals throughout the day, and sometimes even run almost on time!

When arriving at the train station of your choice in order to begin your journey, the first step is to buy a ticket for your journey. There are times when you can get away without paying, however you never know which times these will be until the end of your journey. You risk being fined should you be caught not paying and as such it is usually the best idea to opt for buying the ticket.

(Note: Please do not actually buy a ticket to Bognor Regis. You do NOT want to go there)

There are two main ways of buying said ticket, one being to queue at the ticket office and ask a real (live!) person for what you want. This is a good idea if you are not really all that sure what you want or what you are doing. The other option is to use the ticket machine in which you enter where you are going and what kind of ticket you wish to purchase. I prefer this as it does not involve speaking to people (I am anti-social) and it does not involve so much queuing (I am impatient).

Once you have your ticket it is time to step onto the relevant platform. Check the screens to find where the train you want is leaving from. If you are unsure how to do this find a nice Train Employee who will be more than happy to help you. If you cannot find any, or they all look really scary then either curl up in a ball crying, or take a random guess as to which platform you need and hope for the best. The worst that can happen is that you have an adventure! (Or get lost/murdered/raped/kidnapped)

Now you find yourself standing on the platform waiting for your train to arrive. You realise that you are desperate for a wee. You have two options, brave the train station toilets or brave the train toilets when it arrives. I will outline tips/pros/cons for both options:

Train station toilets: These usually look slightly worn and grubby. To use them in the cleanliness way possible pay attention to the following:

1) Enter the first cubicle, check that the toilet is clean and has been flushed. Check there is toilet paper available.
2) Turn to close the door. You may run into several problems at this point. You may find there is no lock, only half a lock, or that the door has somehow shifted and that it will not close completely.
3) If this is the case go into the next cubicle and repeat steps one and two until you find a toilet that is both clean, flushed, has toilet paper and a working lock.
4) Please ensure you wash your hands well before leaving the toilet area.

Train toilets: These can be wonderfully clean and lovely. However they can also be really skanky or out of order completely. If this is the case you then have to walk through several more carriages to find another one which can result in falling and hitting your head. They are also usually completely electronic. Meaning you have to press a button to open, shut the and lock the door. I find this scary. What if the button stops working and you are stuck forever in a train toilet? For these reasons I tend to opt for train station toilets.

If you are likely to be waiting on the platform for a while attempt to find a seat. These are usually in the form of benches. I recommend that if you are lucky enough to find a free one you sit right in the middle with it with any bags you have either side of you. This usually deters strangers from attempting to sit next to you. Alternatively, lie across it.

Once your train has arrived step onto it. Please abide by the unwritten rule that you must let people get off the train before you get on. Pushing on regardless is just plain rude. You must then find a seat on the train. Where possible avoid sitting with other people. Walk up until you find a free set of chairs. If there are none then you may be forced to sit next to someone else. If this is the case select carefully. You do not want to end up next to anyone fat/smelly/ugly/annoyingly-talkative. Attractive men are usually your best option. However, please check for wedding rings. You do not want to be that girl who flirts with married men.

You may now sit back and enjoy your journey. Music is acceptable provided you have earphones. Do not turn it up loud. Do not sing along. Remember no one else can hear the music, they can just hear your out-of-tune drone. Putting your feet up is also acceptable, but keep an eye out for train guards. They will tell you to put your feet down. Loud phone call conversations are unacceptable. If you must talk on the phone avoid saying ‘I’M ON THE TRAIN’. If you are likely to fall asleep please be aware that this may cause you to miss your stop. No one will bother to wake you and check, though we may all glance at you no and then, wondering to ourselves if you were supposed to have got off yet.

Have fun!

I am sure we all know that slavery is, in general, a bad idea. If you don’t know this then just have a quick glance back at USA’s history. Yes, you DID enslave black people. And then they were finally free-d after the valiant efforts of the civil war. Only of course to be segregated some while later. And then unsegregated. And now everyone is whining that everyone else is like so totally racist because they like so totally called a white man a cracker and that white man couldn’t get a job at that place but a black person did instead because black people are like so totally given more opportunities then white people now and now it’s really really bad to be a white man because you never get nothing given to you in life / that white man like so totally called a black man a nigger and that black man can’t get a job at that place but a white person did instead because everyone like so totally hates black people and black people never get given nothing in life and they were enslaved like over 100 years ago.

But I am not here to talk about the negative aspects of slavery (or racism). I am here to talk about the positive aspects. Take today for example. I worked from half 7 in the morning till 6 in the evening for the forth day running. I also do not function well on anything less then 10 hours sleep, despite usually only having 7-8. I am consequently slightly exhausted. I am also hungry. Do I have the energy to cook? No. Do I have the money to pay for someone else to cook for me? No. What is the only other available option?

SLAVERY

If I had a slave, they would make me my dinner, they would wash my clothes and clean my house and I would not have to pay them a thing. I would be able to spend more quality time watching One Tree Hill. The slave would have a warm sense of well-being knowing that they had helped improve my lifestyle. Everyone wins.

Of course, should I have a slave, it would not be a racial issue. I would be perfectly happy to enslave a white man. I would also not mistreat them. I am completely against whipping anyone for instance. They would be well treated and well fed (after they had fed me). Plus they would get my amazing (and beautiful) company.

Which leads me to my final question?

I have opinions, but I have learnt not to express them. I could write my view on abortion. But what would be the point? Those who agree with me would comment to say ‘I completely agree!’ and those who don’t agree with me would comment with a very long explanation about why I am wrong. How many people are likely to read what I have to say and change their point of view? None. Just like I haven’t changed my own view even after reading countless posts about the situation.

In the words of Morrisey ‘there’s so much destruction all over the world, but all you can do is complain about me’

People like to complain, they like to loudly voice their opinions and wave signs around, but how many people are actually helping to solve the problem? How many of you are out there teaching teenagers to practice safe sex? And how many of you are hiding under your ‘they should wait till marriage!’ blankets. Yes, perhaps they should, but most of them won’t. You can bleat all you like about Christianity, The Bible, God, and abstinence and all the while they will be out there having sex, getting pregnant and sometimes having abortions. So don’t stand there and say you are Pro-Life when you think that an abortionist deserved to be shot, and that no one should do anything to actually prevent people needing abortions in the first place. You don’t care about those babies anymore then the abortionist did. Or are you planning to bring them all up? Are YOU going to give them a loving, caring home? Are YOU going to help those mothers out, help them to provide for their child? All 40,000 of them? Unless someone comes up with a plan to help that many babies then something needs to be done to educate the people getting pregnant in the first place. Before it happens. And don’t you dare take what I said and twist it round to imply that I stated that I think we should kill all those babies because we can’t provide for them. That’s not what I said and you know it.

The same goes for the death penalty. How dare you all sit there and say that someone deserves to die just because no one bothered to step in before that person’s life got to that point. And then say all those babies should be born to people who can’t care for them and thus likely become the people that you are claiming should be killed for their sins. Is it really OK for us to casually watch people around us get twisted more and more until they think that it is a good idea to go around killing or raping people? And then to stand back and do nothing but judge? What happened to caring, what happened to helping? If people bothered to pay more attention to the early years of everyone’s life then less people would have unwanted pregnancies and less people would become criminals. Then guess what? Less people would ‘need’ abortions and less people would ‘need’ the death penalty.

But that’s too much like hard work. So lets all sit back and watch it all happen. And then judge. It’s easier that way.

It looks like I did express my opinion after all.

And that’s your cue to either say ‘I completely agree!’ or ‘you are wrong and this is why…..’