I successfully managed to avoid the HSM pandemic for a very long time. I watched it once and my response was along the lines of ‘hmmm…. ok……’. And for YEARS I did not watch it again. And neither did I watch the second one. But then came the third. Which was to prove the beginning of a very slippery slope.

I agreed to go and see it in the cinema as one of my friends could not find anyone willing to see it with her. (I have no idea why that is). I was, at the time, feeling slightly vulnerable. HSM 3 was perfect for this kind of state. It made me laugh. While all the teenage-zach-lovers were swooning I was busy laughing hysterically at the pure awfulness of it.

I left the cinema feeling slightly better then I did before. And I went a few months without any kind of HSM stimulation. But then, came a day, when I was feeling a little low, and the first High School Musical was right in front of me in a shop. It was only FOUR pounds! How could I resist something that cheap that could help remove me from the slump I was in? And so, I bought it.

Ownership of it is the problem. If you don’t own it, you are probably safe. But once it is in your house, within arms reach everytime you are feeling bad, feeling sad, feeling low, feeling bored…. that is when the problems begin.

Because I did not just watch it once and then return it to the shelf to accumulate dust. NO! I did not even just watch it twice. In fact, I am (slightly) ashamed to admit, I watched it 5 times in 3 days. Do you know what is really bad about that? I must have had 2 days in which I watched it TWICE.

Soon I knew all the words (of the songs and the script) off by heart. I could sing and talk along with it in a shamelessly loud voice. I then downloaded several of the songs onto iTunes. I bought the second film and I got the third for my birthday. I was hooked. I AM hooked. It is the most appalling rubbish ever to be made, but it makes me feel so damn good!

Hi, my name is Claire and I am an HSM addict!

Those of you who have facebooks have probably notice this ‘Fan’ trend. Basically people create a group with the title of something they like and then other people on facebook can become a fan of it. Examples include ‘Sleep’ and ‘Eating’. I will admit that I did join a few when they started appearing on my side bar. However after a few I realised just how stupid it was and I stopped.

Today, I came across what I thought was the most shockingly ridiculous fan group available for people to join in the world of facebook.

You can, and I quote, become a fan of ‘I hate waking up in the middle of a good dream and then it won’t come back’. Putting aside the fact that it is phrased so badly, it begs the question, why would you want to become a fan of disliking it when you wake up in the middle of a good dream?
I decided to visit the fan group in order that I could make an informed decision of the intelligence of it’s followers. It was full of two groups of people:

1) The group that left comments such as ‘OMG, I totally hate it when this happens’ or ‘OMG, this happened to me last night!!! I hated it!!!!!!!’

2) The group that embellished a little more on when it happened to them. ‘OMG, this happened to me last night!!! I was having a dream when this like really fit boy was like JUST about to kiss me and then I woke up!! WHY does that always happen to me?!?!?!?!?!??!’

What made it worse was that no one was discussing anyone else’s comments. It wasn’t a group discussing the meaning of their dreams and what they thought may have happened in it if they had stayed asleep. I could vaguely understand that. I don’t go in for analysing dreams myself, but some people do, and I can understand why they would find it interesting. But no one was responding to what anyone said. It was quite literally a list of different people exclaiming their own disbelief that it had happened to them.

I went back to try and find the number of people that had joined it, however it was no longer linked on the side bar. So I had to search for it. I searched simply for ‘I hate waking up…’ thinking that there can’t possibly be THAT many people who would think that you can be a fan of anything beginning ‘I hate….’. Sadly, I was sorely disappointed. Not only were there 1,560,487 people in this fan group, there were also fan groups with names such as:

‘I hate waking up late!’ – 90 fans

‘I hate waking up for college! – 1,203 fans

‘I hate waking up to texts saying ‘are you awake?’ – 125 fans

‘I hate waking up in the morning!’ – 2,528 fans
and for those who wish to be more specific about it…..
‘I hate waking up at 10:30 AM!’ – 28 fans

At this point I decided enough was enough and I left the search page of facebook in order that I may curl up and cry at the state of the human race.

By the way, there is also an actual group (different from a fan group, you don’t become a fan of whatever it is, you simply join the group) called ….. i HATE waking up early i will hit yu with a sledgehammerIMNOTAMORNINGPERSON. Thought you would like to know that.

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this. But this year’s flies seem to be slightly more intelligent then last year’s. And not in a good way. In an ‘I am an Evil SuperFly and I WILL take over your world’ way. I swear, they are plotting against me. I have had to kill at least twice the amount so far then I usually do. And they aren’t going down easy.

You would think that being swatted by a book would be enough to kill any tiny little fly. But not the ones around lately. They seem to be almost immortal. I swat one and it falls down and seems pretty dead. And then a few minutes later it is crawling along the ground again. So I hit it again and it just keeps going. So I have to stand there hitting it over and over again until it couldn’t possibly remain alive. Its like a scene from a horror movie.

And they fly AT me. Not by accident, it is on purpose. They see me from across their room and they aim right at me. So I swat them away and then they just turn round and fly back at me.

I’m not paranoid. They are trying to take me out.

Maybe its revenge.
Maybe I should stop killing flies.

Or maybe it’s evolution. Maybe they are going to be the first immortal beings on this Earth.

I am going to Italy in just over a week. Now, I hate looking like a tourist. Mainly because I am forever thinking negative things about tourists visiting my home town.

‘Do they HAVE to speak so loudly with their American accents?’
‘Why are they wearing such unflatteringly baggy t-shirts?’
‘No, we AREN’T cute STFU’
‘I don’t care how big your camera is, you are in my WAY’
‘Yes, it is a very pretty old building, but I need to walk fast so I can get somewhere of ultra importance so stop standing in my way gawping at it’
‘I don’t care that you felt the need to visit with about 10,000 other people, do you HAVE to stand ALL together so that you block the entire street?
‘Seriously, stop calling things cute. Our accents aren’t cute. Our stuff isn’t cute. Our buildings aren’t cute. The fact that we are capable of queuing without yelling at each other isn’t cute. Get over it.’

So anyway, to avoid being a person that an Italian might think the above (or something else entirely) about I looked to see what real Italians dress and act like.

However I was in for a huge disappointment clothes wise. Apparently they all dress in black, brown, or white and with Catholic-like modesty. So I considered doing this for a second. And then I realised that would be no fun. I don’t want people to look at me and think ‘There goes a Catholic/committed Christian-type-person who wants to look ‘modest”’. I want people to look at me and think ‘There goes a Claire’. They might not like the colourfulness of my clothes, or the fact that I frequently show my knees, shoulders and *gasp*some cleavage (not usually all at the same time… I rarely look like a prostitute.)… but they will know that it is all me, not my religion.

So I am going in all my colourful glory. And they will look at me and know that I am not Italian. And I will say, ‘I don’t want to be Italian anyway so NAH!’. Because I am sophisticated like that.

However, there are some church-type-places in which I will not be allowed to enter if I am not dressed in what they consider to be an ‘appropriate’ way. But do not fear! I have a plan. I have a shawl, and I have a bright colourful brooch to pin it round my shoulders. So should I need to enter these places I will whip these out and immediately cover my shoulders and any breastage. Everyone knows that in a church if men see a little bit of your breasts,  then they immediately try to have sex with you and forget all about religion. Because their faith just isn’t that strong. So I will do my best to only make men want to have sex with me and forgo their religion outside of a church. Since that is obviously my main reason for going to Italy.

I will also not be attempting the Italian language. If I am going to be obviously English, I may as well do that really annoying thing where I speak really loudly and slowly in English and look annoyed when they don’t understand.

I am very excited.

(Disclaimer: I have no problems with Catholics/people of similar beliefs or their choice of clothing)
(Disclaimer 2: I actually will be learning some simple Italian phrases. I am not THAT much of an arse)
(Disclaimer 3: I will not really be attempting to convince Italian men to have sex with me)
(Disclaimer 4: I have no problems with Americans) (Disclaimer 4.5: Except when they call everything cute)
(Disclaimer 5: I don’t really mind covering up a bit for those particular places. I think that the rules are slightly absurd, but I will do so out of respect for those people’s chosen beliefs. Same as if I were going into a mosque, I would take my shoes off, despite thinking the rule is silly, because they have chosen to believe that that is necessary, and it is their place so I wouldn’t want to be disrespectful.)
(Disclaimer 6: I am not really that excited… oh wait…. that bit wasn’t sarcasm….)

P.S. If you are feeling the need to respond with something along the lines of ‘this post was cute’ or ‘you are really cute’ please refrain. It has already been done by randomneuralfirings and is therefore no longer funny.

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life (oOooo).

If anyone does not know where that legendary line comes from you are clearly an imbecile and do not deserve to be anywhere near my Xanga. (Disclaimer: Even if you are a complete moron/imbecile, I love you anyway so please stay).

Just to clarify, the above line is from Dancing Queen sung by the one and only…….

The epitome of style (Disclaimer: I do not actually consider the above outfit stylish. I would actually never be seen dead in it. Except when impersonating ABBA, which lets face it, is just FUN)  ABBA are best known for their ultra cheesy but incredibly catchy tunes. The majority of the human race are born with an innate knowledge of all ABBA lyrics. Kind of like the Beatles. (Disclaimer: Other then the fact that everyone can sing along to their songs I am in no other way likening The Beatles to ABBA. Though some would. Ignore these people. They are also imbeciles. The Beatles were ENGLISH not Swedish and therefore far more supreme) No one can hear an ABBA tune and not begin to dance, inwardly at least. Many people attempt to refute this, but I know better, as usual.
And then there is the fact that there is an ABBA lyric somewhere for nearly every situation you may find yourself in. (Disclaimer: I realise there are some life situations that just aren’t mentioned in ABBA songs… being eaten alive by a crocodile for example, though ‘The winner takes it all’ might be applicable.) This is proven by the musical Mamma Mia. So many different emotions, personalities and situations all expressed perfectly through bursting into ABBA song.

The point of this post? To enable you to let your inner-ABBA-loving-selves out. Find the song most applicable to your current emotions and just burst into song. In the middle of the street, in the bath, while being eaten by a crocodile, in the car, while shopping, while at work…. anything. Just do it. And you will feel better. ABBA are, after all, the meaning of life.

There is a lot of fear surrounding the homeless. Fear of being attacked, fear of the money you give being used for drugs/drink and fear of the unknown. While I understand this fear it is not something I have ever experienced. Perhaps because it is not quite so ‘unknown’ for me.
When I was young my mother used to volunteer at the local Day Center for homeless people. As a result she knew just about every homeless person in the area. So when walking through town we would stop to talk to them. I knew them all, I was just as excited to see each of them as I was any other family friend. It was just a natural thing to stop and say hello, whether I knew them or not. I never had any negative experiences with them.
That is not to say that nothing negative will never happen while interacting with homeless people, perhaps I was just lucky. There is always the chance of something bad happening. There is that chance with everyone. There are people of varying levels of ‘goodness’ in all walks of life. But I can say that in that time of my life I met so many good hearts amongst the homeless. Once, we stopped to say hello to one guy and I told him it was my birthday soon. A few days later he was in hospital for something and my mum went to see him, he had remembered it was my birthday and he bought me a soft toy from the hospital shop. He was homeless, poor and in hospital and he bought me a birthday present. There was another guy that we always stopped to talk to, and he committed suicide. He hung himself. I was so upset that I would no longer be able to talk to him. Some other guy, was an alcoholic, but was one of the nicest people I have ever met. Sadly his health deteriorated from being homeless and from drinking and by the time he was actually given a place to live he was in a wheelchair.
I am not suggesting that everyone should trust everyone they meet implicitly. I am not saying give away all your money. I am just asking people to be a little more sensitive. Regardless of what happened to get a person to that point, regardless of whether it was their own fault or not, it is not a nice place to be. And its all very well saying that they might spend their money on drugs and alcohol… but when you are that desperate drugs and alcohol help you escape some of that. Food doesn’t. And I should imagine that MOST people who manage to lose everything have not got the strongest of characters and will find it hard to resist turning to things that will cut out the world. Unless you are supremely rich and generous person the money you give them isn’t going to get them out of their present situation. It is only going to help go towards whatever gets them from one day to the next which for some may be food, some may be their pet dog, some may be drugs and some may be alcohol. So unless you are going to help them give up the drugs, find a job and a home… don’t judge them.
And please don’t respond with ‘well I was homeless for a while and I managed to get out of it’. Good for you, now why not teach someone else how to do that? Not everything is as easy for everyone.

I am going to do something I vowed never to do, I am going to write a post about Twilight. I am getting excessively tired with the number of times people feel the need to post something whining about how they don’t like it. Get over it. Why do you care so much? So what if there are thousands of people out there loving something that you despise?

You know what? I like it. I like reading the books and I like watching the film. I agree with a large proportion of the arguments about why it is crap BUT it makes me feel good. I am not asking anyone else to feel good reading or watching them, I am not asking anyone to even vaguely like it and I am certainly not asking anyone to agree that Edward Cullen (and his actor) are in fact quite attractive. Because I made those decisions by myself, as should you.

It is irrelevant whether he is a real vampire or not. Guess what? Vampires aren’t real! We made them up and we can therefore make them to be anything that the writer wants them to be. That’s what Anne Rice did and that’s what Stephanie Meyer did. You can make your own decision on who you think wrote vampires the best, but you really don’t need to have a tantrum every time anyone dares to write them differently. There is no such thing as vampire so they have no fixed attributes. And even if they were real, even if they did exist, they would probably be completely different to anything any writer wrote about them.

So just stop it. To say once why you don’t like something is fine, but to feel the need to point it out every ten seconds is just pathetic. I don’t expect you to like it and I don’t expect you to appreciate it, but I shouldn’t have to feel like I am somehow a lesser person for enjoying it. Anymore then you are lesser people for enjoying whatever it is that you enjoy. Films, TV Shows, books, music, they are all things that we choose based on the kind of things that make us feel relaxed, the kind of things that interest and excite us. And those are all different for all different people. Liking one or the other doesn’t reduce or increase your level of intelligence. It just makes you who you are and that is great.

Disclaimer: I realise that by responding to peoples silliness I am in fact proving that I do care (to an extent) what they think which is slightly contradictory to my asking why THEY care. Apparently we all care. Caring is good.
Disclaimer 2: I realise that everyone is free to post about whatever it is that interests them at that moment in time which may sometimes be their dislike of something that I like, I just felt like being annoyed about this particular situation. Get over it.
Dislaimer 3: For anyone who feels the need to inform me that I should take my own advice and get over it, NO, YOU get over it. Heehee.

In the words of Lady Augusta Bracknell….. ‘A HANDbag?!?!’

None of this ‘purse’ crap. No, not for us English people. (Disclaimer: I am in no way implying that being English makes you better, though I do secretly feel that it may be so.) We are the people of The Handbags. A purse is the female version of a wallet. A place in which your money (or lack of it) resides. A handbag… well, a handbag, is just SO much more. It is a place to store all the various things that you may, possibly, at some point, some day need with you. And when you get to that point and you think ‘What I need now, is a ………’ and then you realise that you do in fact HAVE a …….. because you had the foresight to place it in your handbag several months before, lets just say, that is a moment of pure awesomeness.

And then there is the many many shapes, sizes, patterns, number of pockets, number of zips, number of clips and much more that you can choose from when choosing a handbag. You can choose one to match your outfit but you also choose one to match YOU. The kind of person you are, the kind of things you like to carry around and the way in which you prefer to store them.

For me, the bag that I choose to use most of the time is a navy one. A fairly simple colour that matches pretty much every outfit I own. And it has a bow on the front because I have a certain bow-ish-ness about my personality. It has one main pocket with a zip pocket at the back for storing things such as keys, small mirrors, ipods, and phones
(disclaimer: I do not actually store multiple phones and ipods in this pocket, I may be slightly addicted to owning STUFF, but I, so far, only have one of each of those particular things)

And what makes this bag, is what I keep within it. To empty the bag, is to empty my soul
(disclaimer: I may be being slightly overdramtic here. I frequently empty the bag and have yet to notice any gaping holes in my soul).

The contents vary slightly day to day, dependent on what I am planning to do, but items that are almost always within it include:

1) A bottle of water – because hydration is important!

2) A spare pair of socks – because I frequently go out in shoes that require bare feet, and then I end up somewhere such as a house in which I remove said shoes and my feet get cold. And there is NOTHING worse then cold feet.
(disclaimer: I am not including things such as cancer, poverty, starvation, murder, rape and clothes sales that have NOTHING in your size in the above statement. Some things quite obviously ARE worse then cold feet)

3) Deodorant – because apparently no one wants to be around me if I am smelly.

4)A notebook and pen – because I am forever having things to remember, and I never actually remember any of them. Having a notebook within my bag is an attempt to encourage me to write them down so that I DO remember them. However, it is not entirely successful.

5)My purse – the contents of this are a whole nother post entirely which I am positive you are looking forward to

6)Paracetamol – this is the equivalent to the American drug Tylenol. A vital part of my life
(Disclaimer: I am neither dependent on nor addicted to pain killers. I keep them purely for emergency. And when I want to just shut out the world/commit suicide)(Disclaimer:I never really use them for those last two things and you should never joke about suicide)

7)The aforementioned Ipod, phone, mirror and keys. The reasons for these are that music makes walking so much more fun, and encourages you to dance in the street, phones are just a necessity in life, mirrors are important so that you can check that your hair hasn’t randomly decided to stick up or your makeup hasn’t smeared itself in the wrong direction and without keys you can’t get back in the house – which is something I have experienced many times through leaving my keys inside the house.

And that is the story of The Handbag. I hope now you realise that not only are you calling it by the wrong name but that they are a hugely important part of your life and you should indulge in one right now.

Disclaimer: I realise that HANDbag is probably no more the correct term then purse in that they are not always designed to be held in your hand. Mine for example, is technically a Shoulder Bag, but who wants to go around saying that? So to sum up, I am in fact, right.

Whats YOUR handbag like and what do you keep in it?

I am very good at the work that I do with children. However one area that I find paticularly challenging is the whole ‘rough and tumble’ play. I include in this running round pretending to shoot each other, jumping on each other, wrestling etc etc. My immediate gut reaction is to want to tell them to stop. Only I can’t, because that is not actually the better option. As long as it is play, I should allow it.

I find this especially difficult when it comes to the whole ‘gun thing’. I have huge issues with guns. I have never touched one, and I never will. I would never allow one in the house with me, even if I did move to a country where they were allowed (which I won’t). Seeing children waving objects around pretending to shoot and kill just makes me want to yell ‘Stop!’. But why is this? Simulating violence is a part of childhood. How many of us can honestly say that we never did this. That we never played Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, War Games? I did, I can remember doing it and I am an exceptionally unviolent person. But it was still something that had to be a part of my childhood. Something for some reason children have to explore. I can take away the block construction they are using as a gun and they will find some other object. I can take that away and they will use their fingers. I can ban anyone pretending to shoot and they will take up pretend sword fighting instead.

There is some research that suggests that it is actually benefical to allow or even encourage this kind of play. People assume by allowing it you are encouraging violence and that they will later take this play further and actually shoot or attack someone. But I think that it may actually be the opposite. I think that by completely restricting it the effect is more likely to be that the child turns out violent. Play is such an important part of childhood. Those who never really have the chance to play never develop social skills and are more likely to become sociopaths. And play has to be allowed to take its natural course so that children can explore all the issues that need exploring. This includes violence.

My general philosophy is to observe the play so that I can see if it is actually ‘play’ or not. If the simulation of violence turns into one child pinning another down while they punch them on the head…. that is no longer play. If everyone involved is happy and enjoying themselves, I have to let it continue even though I dislike it.

Dislaimer: I know I made the classic error of saying ‘some research’ and not actually referencing where this comes from. This is because I know that some research does say that, but I cannot remember off hand where and I have not the time to find out. If anyone would like to know where I got it from just ask and I will find out. I also know that I havent gone into much detail on why it benefits children to engage in violent play. This is because if I make it too long people get bored and go and read something else. Again, if you would like more detail, I will happily oblige at a later date.

Dislaimer 2: [insert here the response to any other problem people are likely to have with anything I said]

I am writing this post from a new computer. Today I went into town and I bought myself a Mac. A Mac Mini to be precise. Because I can. It is working beautifully. I am used to a computer that takes about 10 minutes to load anything, so I am greatly enjoying the experience of clicking on something and having it load immediately!

I am struggling somewhat with the keyboard. It is a wireless one that is really really tiny. I adore it. However I touch type, and my fingers are used to the keyboard on my laptop. Therefore I keep pressing the wrong keys as my fingers think that is where the letter should be, only it isn’t.

So I am now in the process of setting it up and getting all my STUFF on it.

I love new computers.