Trains are a major part of the English lifestyle. Every major city has many train stations, every town has at least one and many small and possibly insignificant places have one. Trains run at regular intervals throughout the day, and sometimes even run almost on time!

When arriving at the train station of your choice in order to begin your journey, the first step is to buy a ticket for your journey. There are times when you can get away without paying, however you never know which times these will be until the end of your journey. You risk being fined should you be caught not paying and as such it is usually the best idea to opt for buying the ticket.
There are two main ways of buying said ticket, one being to queue at the ticket office and ask a real (live!) person for what you want. This is a good idea if you are not really all that sure what you want or what you are doing. The other option is to use the ticket machine in which you enter where you are going and what kind of ticket you wish to purchase. I prefer this as it does not involve speaking to people (I am anti-social) and it does not involve so much queuing (I am impatient).
Once you have your ticket it is time to step onto the relevant platform. Check the screens to find where the train you want is leaving from. If you are unsure how to do this find a nice Train Employee who will be more than happy to help you. If you cannot find any, or they all look really scary then either curl up in a ball crying, or take a random guess as to which platform you need and hope for the best. The worst that can happen is that you have an adventure! (Or get lost/murdered/raped/kidnapped)

Now you find yourself standing on the platform waiting for your train to arrive. You realise that you are desperate for a wee. You have two options, brave the train station toilets or brave the train toilets when it arrives. I will outline tips/pros/cons for both options:

Train station toilets: These usually look slightly worn and grubby. To use them in the cleanliness way possible pay attention to the following:

1) Enter the first cubicle, check that the toilet is clean and has been flushed. Check there is toilet paper available.
2) Turn to close the door. You may run into several problems at this point. You may find there is no lock, only half a lock, or that the door has somehow shifted and that it will not close completely.
3) If this is the case go into the next cubicle and repeat steps one and two until you find a toilet that is both clean, flushed, has toilet paper and a working lock.
4) Please ensure you wash your hands well before leaving the toilet area.

Train toilets: These can be wonderfully clean and lovely. However they can also be really skanky or out of order completely. If this is the case you then have to walk through several more carriages to find another one which can result in falling and hitting your head. They are also usually completely electronic. Meaning you have to press a button to open, shut the and lock the door. I find this scary. What if the button stops working and you are stuck forever in a train toilet? For these reasons I tend to opt for train station toilets.

If you are likely to be waiting on the platform for a while attempt to find a seat. These are usually in the form of benches. I recommend that if you are lucky enough to find a free one you sit right in the middle with it with any bags you have either side of you. This usually deters strangers from attempting to sit next to you. Alternatively, lie across it.

Once your train has arrived step onto it. Please abide by the unwritten rule that you must let people get off the train before you get on. Pushing on regardless is just plain rude. You must then find a seat on the train. Where possible avoid sitting with other people. Walk up until you find a free set of chairs. If there are none then you may be forced to sit next to someone else. If this is the case select carefully. You do not want to end up next to anyone fat/smelly/ugly/annoyingly-talkative. Attractive men are usually your best option. However, please check for wedding rings. You do not want to be that girl who flirts with married men.

You may now sit back and enjoy your journey. Music is acceptable provided you have earphones. Do not turn it up loud. Do not sing along. Remember no one else can hear the music, they can just hear your out-of-tune drone. Putting your feet up is also acceptable, but keep an eye out for train guards. They will tell you to put your feet down. Loud phone call conversations are unacceptable. If you must talk on the phone avoid saying 'I'M ON THE TRAIN'. If you are likely to fall asleep please be aware that this may cause you to miss your stop. No one will bother to wake you and check, though we may all glance at you no and then, wondering to ourselves if you were supposed to have got off yet.

Have fun!

I have opinions, but I have learnt not to express them. I could write my view on abortion. But what would be the point? Those who agree with me would comment to say 'I completely agree!' and those who don't agree with me would comment with a very long explanation about why I am wrong. How many people are likely to read what I have to say and change their point of view? None. Just like I haven't changed my own view even after reading countless posts about the situation.

In the words of Morrisey 'there's so much destruction all over the world, but all you can do is complain about me'

People like to complain, they like to loudly voice their opinions and wave signs around, but how many people are actually helping to solve the problem? How many of you are out there teaching teenagers to practice safe sex? And how many of you are hiding under your 'they should wait till marriage!' blankets. Yes, perhaps they should, but most of them won't. You can bleat all you like about Christianity, The Bible, God, and abstinence and all the while they will be out there having sex, getting pregnant and sometimes having abortions. So don't stand there and say you are Pro-Life when you think that an abortionist deserved to be shot, and that no one should do anything to actually prevent people needing abortions in the first place. You don't care about those babies anymore then the abortionist did. Or are you planning to bring them all up? Are YOU going to give them a loving, caring home? Are YOU going to help those mothers out, help them to provide for their child? All 40,000 of them? Unless someone comes up with a plan to help that many babies then something needs to be done to educate the people getting pregnant in the first place. Before it happens. And don't you dare take what I said and twist it round to imply that I stated that I think we should kill all those babies because we can't provide for them. That's not what I said and you know it.

The same goes for the death penalty. How dare you all sit there and say that someone deserves to die just because no one bothered to step in before that person's life got to that point. And then say all those babies should be born to people who can't care for them and thus likely become the people that you are claiming should be killed for their sins. Is it really OK for us to casually watch people around us get twisted more and more until they think that it is a good idea to go around killing or raping people? And then to stand back and do nothing but judge? What happened to caring, what happened to helping? If people bothered to pay more attention to the early years of everyone's life then less people would have unwanted pregnancies and less people would become criminals. Then guess what? Less people would 'need' abortions and less people would 'need' the death penalty.

But that's too much like hard work. So lets all sit back and watch it all happen. And then judge. It's easier that way.

It looks like I did express my opinion after all.

And that's your cue to either say 'I completely agree!' or 'you are wrong and this is why.....'

Halloween is once again nearly here and as usual I am rather apathetic about the whole dressing up idea. I am going to a party on Saturday and have to be seen to make an effort. My friend is expecting something fantastic because for some reason I keep talking to her like I have a great idea and am not telling her. Just because its funny to watch her squirm. But I unfortunately am slightly lacking in the idea area.

I was going to go as 'That one girl in that one film that wore that dress that was quite nice'. Or I was going to go as that girl in that dress and add wings to it. Wings always make an outfit.

However I just came across this website full of last minute ideas, one of which was a beauty queen! I think that I have decided I am going to do that. I will get a sash and tiara and wear one of my dresses. Then I am sorted. All I have to do is talk about world peace a lot, possibly adopt an annoying American accent, and just generally act like I am really really retarded but gorgeous. The gorgeous part will not be so difficult for me. Oh and then there is the whole sleeping with lots of people while pretending to be like such a good Christian girl! But I may omit the sleeping with lots of people part... one can take a character too far. I might do the Christian part and pretend that the alcohol I am drinking is really just fruit juice.

I need to choose which colour my shots are going to be this time. Purpley red last time, I think I might choose blue. I have become rather attached to the whole shot phenomenon.

Disclaimer: I am not a drunk or a whore and neither do I have any issues with Christian girls or retarded people.